Tuesday, December 07, 2021

Main Apne Saath Hun

Main Apne Saath Hun

[by Siyaah]

Main apne saath hun

main apni baatein samajhta hun

apni ghaltiyon pe ghaur karta hun

haath pakad ke khud ko 

uthata hun

dilaasa dilaata hun

kuchh kehta hun

kuchh sunta hun

ro leta hun

hans deta hun

kabhi ghumney jaata hun 

kabhi duur nikal jaata hun

kabhi kho jaata hun

khud ko dhundh kar phir waapas laata hun

kahaniyon mei uljhaata hun

phir sab khayaal suljhaata hun

so jaata hun

jag jaata hun 

raat bhar ke khwab yaad karta hun

bhool jaata hun.

Main apne saath hun

main aksar haar jaata hun

purani jeet aur haar yaad karta hun

phir wahi sab dohraata hun

khud ko samjhane ke liye sab likhtaa hun

mitaata hun

behel jaata hun

kitaabon mei kho jaata hun

un kirdaaron ki daastanon se

kuchh naya laata hun

puraney se milwaata hun

nayi dhunein 

puraney khud ko sunwaata hun

main ab kya hun shaayad main bhi nahi jaanta hun

kabhi to khud ko nahi pehchanta hun

jaisa bhi hun

jo bhi hun

Main apne saath hun. 

Bohot ehtiyaat se khud ko

duniya se milwaata hun

ghabra jaata hun

thak jaata hun

bikhar jaata hun 

bas bachh jaata hun

Main apne saath hun.

Log itne logon se

itna kyun milte hain

kya baatein karte hain

kya chahte hain

samajh nahi paata hun

shayad ye log apne saath nahi rehte 

khair, mujhe kya

Main apne saath hun

aksar in logon ke beech

aksar in logon se duur

Main apne saath hun. 

Duur se raah pe dekhta hun

kuchh log ek group mei hain

koi ek jo tanhaa dikhta tha

nazdeek kisi se phone pe hai 

main kyun kisi group mei nahi

main kyun kisi ke nazdeek nahi

kya is liye, ke

Main apne saath hun.

Jahan tak main jaata hun 

jahan se laut aata hun 

wahan to koi aur nahi 


Main apne saath hun.

Sach to ye hai ke ab 

na tum ho aur na koi aur

bas itne saalon se main hun

Main apne saath hun.

Saturday, October 16, 2021



by Siyaah.

Main dard mein hoon

Tumhare milne ke

Na milne ke

Main dard mein hoon



Main dard mein hoon

Khushion ke

Gham ke

Main dard mein hoon

Main dard mein hoon.

Friday, October 15, 2021



by Siyaah.

Jawaab jab ho ga likhunga,
Abhi to gum hoon sawaalon mein. 

Kyun khafaa ho ke tumse mukhatib nahin,
Main likhtaa to hoon risaalon mein.[2]

Mujhe mohabbat kabhi raas na aayi,
Aur na tum miley itney saalon mein.

Saans to main bhi le rahaa hoon yahaan,
Naam likh lo jeeney-waalon mein. 

Wahi jaega phir tumhey chhord ke,
Jo baandhey hai qasmon ke jaalon mein.

Ye duniya bhool jaayegi humein,
Yaad rakhegi chund misaalon mein.

Mujhe kyun kheench laye yahaan,
Khush tha main apne khayaalon mein.

Koi kahf-e-Siyaah hi mayassar ho,
Dum nikalta hai in ujaalon mein. [8]

[2] risaalon: plural of risaala, traditionally could mean essay, treatise, book etc., commonly in Urdu refers to magazines/journals...and by extension today could mean blogs and such online spaces. 
[8] kahf: cave; in spiritual traditions refers to the cave where the (seven) sleepers retreated, hidden and protected from a dysfunctional world where they were misfits i.e.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_Sleepers

Note: this one has been 'in development' for long... and still without a matla. 

Thursday, September 30, 2021

Utha kar kyun na pheykein saari chizein...

Utha kar kyun na pheykein saari chizein;

Faqat kamron mei tehla kyun karein hum.

- Jaun Elia. 

All these things - why not seize and throw?

In these rooms - why continue to roam? 

[translated by Siyaah]

[Haider Iqbal is among the few who have sung Jaul Elia well, as in the above]

This is an example of how Jaun Elia’s sher can transcend multiple levels in an interconnected manner. I have often myself been mystified why I like some of his sher so much - why they affect one so much. 

Here’s what happens: 

At one level the sher is excellent in itself at what it is saying literally. A feeling - of desperation, angst, disturbance, or whatever you feel on hearing this situation that is described in this scenario. But this feeling is also a connection to a deeper level. And we know Elia is deep - deep in experiencing life, in reflecting on it (his prose, as others have pointed out is one way to immerse in the depth and range of his thinking). So the question is - what is at a deeper level connected to this feeling? This scenario is but a reflection of what a person like him may feel, and what may make him feel that way. This is the realm where a person with some depth will relate to the sher at a whole different level but may not even be able to or may not bother to explain that. 

What would make a person such as Jaun Elia roam about from room to room? And ask why don’t I just throw everything around? What would such a person be feeling about life? What would life mean to him or her to provoke this feeling and this metaphor. For yes, the scenario is also a metaphor. Roaming around in life from one life space or life experience or setting to another - how pointless is that to someone who is now transcending that... and the natural question thus would be - coming naturally from that depth - why not simply give up on all these settings and surroundings - not passively, but actively. To do something to destroy them all. 

For the apparently casual use of a simple word - pheykein, to throw, is at one level an expression of rage; but it is also to throw away as in give up on. How casually this is hidden away in the easy language - he often so easily hides away multiple shades of meaning, to the point that they may strike the sensibility of some of us but we don’t even know why - it’s almost a subconscious connection that he is able to evoke sometimes to different shades of meaning. To throw is thus to throw away. Or if we put the “throw in rage” meaning and “throw away” meaning together in one: To destroy all such meaningless relationships that keep us bounded - as if in a room - and we keep walking from one to another, only to be bounded again. There is no escape. Unless we can destroy this illusion that by moving from one to another - one place on this earth, one relationship, one job, one anything, to another - anything meaningful can be gained. It can’t be. You have to destroy all this that surrounds you. Only then will you escape this restless state. Only then you will find peace. Not in another room. But outside all possible metaphorical rooms. Outside. Away. Beyond all that is this world. 

It takes courage to leave all this hanging in the sher, say it this way - as it came to him and say no more, to be true to the state of mind to the feeling and leave it there, as an artist and add nothing more, and believe as an artist the art is done. Courage for it to not be fully deciphered by most. But as he says in another sher “hum to khud se kalaam kar rahe hain”. Only one who doesn’t give much of a damn about anything can do it this way - true only to the truth of the state, the feeling, the words and metaphor as they came to him, and leave it there. 

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Roz sochtaa huun...

Roz sochtaa huun ke bas kahin chalaa jaun...
Phir ye sochtaa huun yahi soch kar to aaya tha yahaan.

[by Siyaah]