Confession
[By Majaaz. Interpretive translation from the Urdu by Siyaah]
You come to me now – alas for what?
You are the visage of beauty, I deny not,
Of this garden of time, the very soul,
Dazzling as the sun, O youth of heavens,
Born of the moon, descended from worlds beyond
Yet to meet me now invites blame
My own deeds chastised me, to this end
Those days – of my fury unrestrained
A fury heedless of all but pleasures wild
A fury of love for burning moon embers
Of one-upmanship with the city’s men
My world was but a bed of roses,
A wonderful dream, of colors and beauty
What’s left to hear but wails of my youth, wounded
Pleas of my heart, complaints of my tears
My words drowned in agony deep
And I - a victim of my own cravings
That tender heart, long dead – how can I revive?
That innocent passion – where now can I find?
----
The poet's nom-de-plume, Majaaz, means "Metaphor" and also "Passing through".
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4 comments:
Nice attempt. However, I find the translation garbled at places, but then, I believe, a perfect translation is never possible, right?
(1) The word 'Chastised' is generaly indicative of a corrective action, which is not brought out in the original nazm. 'Punished' could have been a simpler and a better choice.
(2) I wonder if 'junoon taari tha' has a perfect translation. 'Fury' seems to be a mere stopgap arrangement. It fails to create that effect.
(3) 'Gudaaz-e-dil-e-marhoo,': I thought it meant 'the sighs of a dead heart'. You translated it as 'tender'. I may be wrong though, considering my limited Urdu vocabulary.
PS:
The comment seems a bit critical, sorry. I loved the translation, and hence wrote all that came to my mind.
I tried posting in this comment twice, in vain. This is the third time. Lol.
t:
sorry your comment didnt post initially...I think it was because of the blogspot->google switch...I couldnt post on some other blogs either.
yea, the overall nazm translation didnt come out that great...but for this one, I didnt really expect it. the task was to convey the broad meaning. I kept it only as close to the literal as language peculiarities would allow.
"Gudaaz" is pretty close to "tender", the Persian origins come from 'melting (in fire)'.
Critical is good! Good to know ppl care enough about these old pieces to go through in such detail...
siyaah i liked it. and i like it with a new found respect for translation :). I have been trying to translate hum ke thehre ajnabi for sometime now and the guilt that you may not be doing justice or that you havent put enough effort on a couplet is so tremendous :(. Hats off. You are making a blog out of it :)
illusionist:
thanks for the encouragement. It's by no means easy...sometimes it works and I raise my own expectations, only to come crashing down on the next couplet or poem. You're right about the guilt...sometimes I mull over the translation of a couplet for days, and it still doesnt come out right!
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